actually...i dont know....

day 26 **what is the best thing you have going for you right now**

"i know"...i wonder how many times Ive said that in my life... "i know"

or more to the point, i wonder how many times I've said it hoping it would act as a loud and clear "STOP" to anyone offering me whatever unsolicited opinion/experience/advice they were about to give me. wether or not i actually knew..........................

for much of my life I've been afraid to not know. afraid to be vulnerable. afraid of looking bad, of making mistakes. and so to cover that most stifling of human characteristics, pride, i have given the emotional equivalent of a massive and very firm physical block..   "i know"..   it is the essence of contempt prior to investigation, that which blocks any chance of me adding something new to my experiences...

but being stuck in that place, albeit unwittingly for most of it, has cost me dearly. and through much surrender borne of pain and separation, I have begun to see that i don't know very much. at all. and much of what i do know is not very useful and is taking up space.

for so long I've had to rely on myself. or so i thought. I've never been much good at asking for help. especially with things i think i should already know. but who wrote the book on what i should know at 42. and could somebody please tell me where i can get a copy of it !!!

the best thing i have going for me right now is that i am teachable. and for someone who needs to be taught that's a good place to be in...