what to do..........

day 24 **the reason you believe you're still alive today**

i don't really know why I'm alive.

i could take a guess but that's all it would be, & I always keep in mind i might be wrong about everything. absolutely everything.

but what would my guess look like....

maybe I'm still alive because i haven't learnt all the lessons i need to learn yet. this is possibly my least favourite of all guesses. because i don't like to feel as though I'm in a big spiritual school, complete with tests, judgements, passes and rigorous and consistent resitting of those tests that i am deemed to have "failed".

or maybe I'm alive to help someone else. do we all go there?  what is that deep desire to help someone else all about? for me its been the realisation through experience that helping someone else is the only way to be truly selfless. and in that moment of selflessness theres a release that the human spirit  craves. you can get it from adrenalin, you can get it from creativity but in selflessness there exists something else. a connection. a feeling of everything being exactly as its meant to be. so maybe that's why I'm here. to help.

but at the top of my guess list, keeping in mind that i could be totally wrong, i believe im still alive because i got lucky. more than once, more than twice. i don't think theres a reason I'm still here as such. but i do believe that while I'm here its my responsibility to learn and grow and change. life is a gift.

i believe that, simply because i am human, i need to be humbled. that i need to learn to connect, to love, to be loved. that i have much to give and much yet to be taken away. i believe in the human experience and that it is not to be dismissed or controlled.

i don't really know why I'm here. i don't ask myself that question anymore. today i ask myself what I'm going to do with it.......